023

Jesse Chong’s Hair was a beloved member of the Virginia Beach community, often found in local nightclubs when not clogging up bathtub drains. Though well known, Jesse Chong’s hair remained mysterious- fans of Jesse Chong’s Hair would often ask, “Is Jesse Chong’s Hair even real?” Despite this apparent disconnect from the public, Jesse Chong’s Hair was a popular oceanfront fixture.

Jesse Chong’s Hair helped to bring people of all colors and creeds together, uniting whites and blacks with bewildered questions such as, “Why in God’s name does an Asian dude have dreads?!” Jesse Chong’s Hair also inspired people of all socioeconomic statuses to solicit illegal drugs.

Jesse Chong’s Hair was known to attract women who find lack of hygiene utterly sexy, and would often brag that Jesse Chong’s Hair got laid more than Jesse Chong did- a verifiable fact. Many of the fans at Jesse Chong shows were there just to see Jesse Chong’s Hair- audience members would often say, “This music sucks, but Jesse Chong’s Hair is the shit!

The demise of Jesse Chong’s Hair was a great loss to Hampton Roads and many will mourn the passing of this precious community member. “Jesse Chong’s Hair really gave us a sense of pride, and we’ve pretty much lost all respect for Jesse Chong since he parted with Jesse Chong’s Hair.” reflected one lachrymose fan of the follicles.

A memorial will be held at the dumpster behind Entourage Salon & Spa on 4/20, the date widely believed to be Jesse Chong’s Hair’s birthday. Donations will be accepted for the Hair Club For Men of whom Jesse Chong’s Hair was a prominent member. Jesse Chong’s Hair will be missed.